The story of a Hanson stan. Or, how your favs rob you of good music for years

I’m about to go the fuck in y’all. So settle in.

I’ll preface this by saying that I don’t believe you can be a stan if you can’t criticise your favs. In fact, a stan is the most qualified one to call out their fav because you put your love and cash into your fav, sometimes for years. So you truly deserve the best.

Hanson is not the best. Hanson is trash.

And I say this with all the possible authority and knowledge because I’ve been buying their albums since 1997, I watched their documentary a million times, do you have any idea what it took to buy an independent album from little Costa Rica in 2006? A LOT OF MONEY IS WHAT IT TOOK! I’ve been loyal to this shit band for years because they’re talented and capable of making great things.

But instead, y’all are so into giving us all this trash!

What the fuck happened to you omg

I bought into your whole story of we want to make our own music, we want to have creative freedom, we want to be better than what’s out there, the music industry is a hoax… And you did all of that for what? For this shit music? To sell off yourselves in that shitty cruise?

Goddammit you guys!

Honestly, if you were all idiots who couldn’t make music I probably wouldn’t care. I would’ve known what I was into from the very beginning. But you’re SO GOOD! You’re capable of such greatness, you can be so inspired! But you put out this absolutely awful albums that have like 2 good songs and you call it a day? Yeah because your idiotic fans enable you and buy your stupid robbery of a membership and stalk you and all your families like we’re in 2008 and Hanson Secrets is still around.

And I get it. I get it because you’re amazing live. You guys are all so good, so into your performance and you make it so fun to watch you. You love performing and it’s impossible not to love you when you’re performing.

But you can do better. If you want to just tour, then say you’re gonna become a museum of a band and retire into touring forever like old men. Don’t give fans this trashy music that you have the indecency to separate into 2 EPs so that people don’t buy from your below average website (which has been in beta for like 5 years) once, but twice.

I know you’re constantly enabled but you really think your fans don’t notice? You really think we don’t see through the greed of selling chocolate, beer that tastes like piss, a made up documentary of stuff that 10 years ago you gave out for free? You don’t even want to sell your EPs anywhere now so that no one gets a penny but you.

All of this would be bearable or maybe just funny shit if you had amazing music, if you consistently got inspired and put out sincere albums.

Wtf happened to you guys? When did you give up?

This settling is an embarrassment! Go back to Strong Enough to Break and watch yourselves talk about your commitment to making great music and make great music!  You’re no better than people you called out as sell outs in 2002. Oh, but you love to think you are!

I’m just so done.

It breaks my heart but I’m done.

We’ll see what happens on the 20th anniversary but my expectations are rock bottom.

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